Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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