i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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