so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
