Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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