Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize