I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize