The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
