at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
