saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
