Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
