New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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