i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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