and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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