Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
