Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my being single is dangerous.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
