A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
