last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
