1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
