I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize