Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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