u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
