i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
