Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
