ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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