i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
