So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
