Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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