dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
