go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
