please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
