I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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