So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
