I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
