none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
