Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
