If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
