Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
