k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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