Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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