So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
