"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
