I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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