I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
