She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
