I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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