your room smells of hookers.
And success
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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