I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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