mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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