You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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