he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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