Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

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(904): View more from Florida

I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.

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(517): View more from Michigan

He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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(516): View more from New York

My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm

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(513): View more from Ohio

the room spins SO much faster in panama

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(801): View more from Utah

I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx

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(937): View more from Ohio

I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?

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