we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
