I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
