your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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