you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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