I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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