There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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