You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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