i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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