At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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