the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize