If that was your dad, he is hot
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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