so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Randomize
