You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
