I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
