No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
