Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
