we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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