At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
