Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
