She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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