I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize