I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
