I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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