just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
