he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
