Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
