I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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