dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
