In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
