i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
