I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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