A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
